


Learning About Crowley

by NebulaEyes



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), Curious Aziraphale, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, M/M, POV Aziraphale (Good Omens), Poetry, Reading, Secrets, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 19:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20233126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NebulaEyes/pseuds/NebulaEyes
Summary: When Aziraphale goes over to Crowley's, the first thing he notices is the new woodwork in the normally plain and dreary flat. He wonders who created such craftsmanship, but when he finds out the answer, it surprises him. However, the surprise of that pales in comparison to what he finds on Crowley's nightstand while the demon sleeps.





	1. Chapter 1

It's been two weeks since Nopeageddon and I was enjoying the smell of rain soon to come on the night air. Crowley and I were walking out to his Bentley, leaving the Ritz, when I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he looked up to the sky. "Is something the matter, Crowley?"

"Hmm?" He quickly turned his shielded gaze towards me, raising in inquisitive brow before looking back up. "Oh, 's nothing. I enjoy a good storm as much as the next person, but..."

"But?" I questioned once we were both actually at the Bentley.

"It hides the stars." He sighed out before getting into his side of the car.

I did the same with a furrowed brow. I had never known Crowley to care about the stars before. I had never really notice him look up at them before either. Not even during the first thunderstorm when we were on the wall. Nor have I ever known Crowley to show his emotions so openly before, but then again, we did cut our ties with our old offices, so perhaps he's allowing himself to show emotions he wasn't permitted to before. Once he started to drive off, I couldn't keep myself from asking any longer. "Crowley, I've never seen you fascinated by the stars before. Why did you seem so...sorrowful that the storm clouds were covering them up. It's not like we could see all that many, being in the city and what not."

Being that his eyes were covered by his sunglasses I didn't see so much as I FELT him look at me as there was a downward tug of his lips. "Don't worry about it, Angel. I've just always like the stars. Leave it be." I've also never known him to react in such a way about anything. He always gave a full hearted answer, a witty retort, or none at all. He's never been so...distant with an answer of any kind. I didn't know what to say in reply towards it, so I did as he requested and I left it be.

Once we eventually made it inside his flat, I noticed that he added a few more things since the last time I was here. There was a black couch for one, which was paired with a recliner adjacent to it. There were also floating bookshelves on the wall, seemingly made of oak wood. I figure he must've put those there for me, because for right now, they were empty. There was also a coffee table made of the same wood, and as I walked closer I noticed that etched into the oak coffee table was beautiful and expert craftsmanship were intricate swirls, lines, dots, but in the middle There was a flaming sword crossing a staff and wrapped around the staff was a snake. "My..." I breathed out at the mere symbolism of it, but I couldn't quite figure out the staff part. However, I did understand the sword and the snake. "...who did you get to make this?"

"I didn't." He voiced as he made his way to the kitchen to likely grab wine and two glasses for us.

"Well...why would you use a miracle for such a grand table? You could've just miracled a normal one."

I heard a groan from the kitchen, telling me he heard me, and that somehow I was irritating him, which if I'm to be honest, hurt quite a bit in my grace where normally a human heart would beat. "Didn't do that either." He stated as he walked back into the room, setting the glasses down carefully before pouring both of us some red wine.

"Well...then how did it...?" I trailed off with a furrowed brow once more as I sat in the recliner that was just the right distance away from the table.

"_I_ made it, Angel."

"Y-You..." My mind felt like it was on an empty beach with nothing but the wind and the waves. There was nothing else there. Just wind and the sound of waves. "...I didn't know you could...I didn't know that you were able to create..." At the word create he snorted out a laugh in the middle of drinking his wine, and an honest smirk appeared on his face, if smirks COULD be honest.

"There's A LOT you don't know about me, Angel. I can create. I was checking up on Adam like you asked, he's fine by the way, but he still has some of his powers. Anyway, he made an oak tree appear in his forest that he plays in all the time, and it wasn't there the day before, and it was fully grown. He didn't want it to stay there, because it reminded him of the time he used his powers against his friends, so I offered to cut it down and create it into useful things. So, that's what I did. I made you some book shelves, made them to sort of look like they're floating since your head seems to be up in the clouds sometimes. I made a new wine rack, which is in the kitchen, I also made you a chair in my room so that...if I...you know...the nightmares..."

"Ah, I see..." I nodded my head, understanding what he meant. After we tested the body swap, we had swapped back, and he decided that he was tired, so he went to bed, but I stayed just in case, and that's when I heard him screaming. I ran into his room, shook him awake, he looked at me with a horrified expression and wouldn't stop apologizing. For what, I have no clue, but whatever it was...who ever he needed forgiveness from, I hope he had it. I hope he had that forgiveness, because it took all I had not to sob at the sight of Crowley...strong, witty, sarcastic, mischievous, calm, Crowley...completely horrified, sorrowful, desperate, pained, and regretful. Since then, I would often find myself in his room if he seemed particularly drained, not unlike he is now, and I would either stand in the room or sit on the very edge of his bed and read a book to pass the time. Once I heard a telling happy sigh that he was having a good dream, I would leave and go back to my bookshop, locking Crowley's door behind me. As I looked at the table in thoughtfulness of this, I remembered my curiosity. "And the table?" I questioned cautiously, still somewhat immersed in the small fact he made me a chair for his room...as if I belonged there.

"Well, first...I also made myself some new nightstands, because you told me I needed some, so I made some. I then made the table. I've got to be honest though, this one took me the longest. The shelves were easy. Slabs of wood basically and the wine rack is just that, but crisscrossed. The chair took some time, as did the nightstands, but this took the longest."

"And how did it take you?"

"Two whole days. I wanted to get it right." He took a drink of his wine so I did the same, realizing I had been ignoring it for some time.

"I dare say you did, but...the design."

"Oh, that was just extra." He muttered before taking another sip.

"No." I told him pointedly, causing his now unguarded eyes to widen. "It wasn't 'just' extra. Crowley, there was thought put into this. It looks like something made by an expert craftsmen or something you would have to make specially on request, and really now...a snake and a sword? I'm not an idiot, Crowley. I just can't figure out the staff part."

For some reason, at my mentioning of the staff he tensed slightly. "Just a staff, but um...yeah, okay, you're right. The sword is you and the snake is me. The intricate design though...that was boredom and it turned out great. It was JUST going to be the snake, sword, and staff, but then I didn't have anything else to do, because I had basically used up most of the wood and didn't know what to do with the rest. It wasn't a normal oak tree, but it was still good for working with. I sent the rest of the wood to someone I know that runs a small shop out in the country making old wooden furniture. He always finds a use for even the smallest of wood."

"Is that who you learned this from?" The look on his face was such an obvious 'no' I nearly barked out a laugh, but I bit my tongue instead. "Don't even try to tell me it's just a talent you so happen to have. We all have to learn to become an expert at something, and you learned from someone to be an expert..." My eyes widened as I was about to say the word. I remembered back at Jesus' crucifixion when I had asked Crowley if he ever met him, and I remembered his answer. "...no." I breathed out, and he flinched seemingly understanding the conclusion I came to. "Crowley...you...you learned from..."

He rolled his eyes as he sank further into the couch. "I did say he was a very bright young man. I met him before I was sent to tempt him though, and I met him after."

"B-But...he was Jesus! He should've...I mean...you're a demon, he should've..."

"Should've but never did. He knew the name I had before the fall, and he refused to call me 'Crawley.' He said I should go by my original name. I told him I couldn't. He understood, so he gave me a new name."

My eyes widened impossibly large as my grace thumped against my chest while my soul took a trip with my mind back to that same day when Crawley had told me he changed his name to Crowley. So...I did. It's why I was so insistent that you call me Crowley, and everyone else for that matter. Hell didn't like the name, but Beelzebub ironically approved it, leaving them without a choice. Oh, if anyone knew that my name was actually given to me by Jesus, oh..." He started to honestly smile as his eyes crinkled with mirth. "...I'd have fun just to see their faces now. For them to realize they approved a name given by someone holy. Anyway, he never turned me away. Not before the tempting, during, or after. I learned from him, because he said I needed something to do. He knew me well apparently, and so...he taught me how to create with wood. It wasn't anywhere near what it is today, but I adapted. I made small things, and went from there, developing my own style...creating my own things. The knowledge stayed with me through the years, because I never stopped creating. Sometimes I would create something and it would be perfect for a child, so I would give it to one, or I would make a chair that I didn't need...eventually...I just sort of...well...do you remember the guy at the shop I told you about? The one I said I sent the rest of the wood to?"

I nodded as I swallowed a lump in my throat. "Yes." I squeaked out, trying really hard not to stay on the fact that Crowley, a demon, learned from Jesus, God's mortal Son, and that Jesus never turned him away and even knew Crowley's original name, despite not even me knowing it.

"Well...he works for me."

"HE WHAT!? THAT SHOP IS _YOURS!?_"

"Yeah." He answered shyly as he set his now empty wine glass down on the table. "Yes, I own that shop. You've been to it. That table you have in the middle of your bookstore that's holding a stack of books about three feet high on top of it? I made that, you bought it, and I was surprised when I saw it in your shop, but I wasn't going to say anything."

"Y-You made that?" I gawked as I felt almost overwhelmed at the information I was being given. "B-But I bought that..."

"Centuries ago. I know. I've had the shop for a long time. I had to have something to do while I stayed in London whenever I would get commendation. So...I opened a shop where people can come in and buy things that are created by hand there. No one else makes it but those who work in the shop. I only hire carpenters. I only hire those with an eye to create, and those I see with the eye to create, but don't know, and don't have much else to do...I teach. There's a young woman that works there at the shop, her name is Rosalie, she lost her job, and didn't know how she was going to pay rent, but she was there with her mother, trying to help her pick out a nice rocking chair that one of my employees had made...and I overheard them talking. I was working that day, so I pulled her to the side and offered her a job. She said she didn't know anything about working with wood, so I told her I'd teach her. Now, she's one of the best there and she got enough money together to get a new flat."

My grace was no longer pounding. No. It was _thundering_. I could hear it in my ears as Crowley's smile grew with pride for the girl and for his job that I didn't know he had. "I didn't...I didn't know." I croaked out.

"Can't blame you for not knowing. I only go in every two days, and if not that, I go at least once a week."

"When do you work?" I asked him out of pure curiosity.

"Saturdays and Sundays, but during the month of the would've-been-Armageddon, I told them I was going to take two weeks off. They tried to get me to take three, but I wasn't going to let them. Those were the days I told Warlock's parents I couldn't work, because I had other business, and it was the truth. I had to go work my other job." He looked at me finally, and seemed to notice the flabbergasted look on my face, because his brow furrowed in concern. "Are you alright, Aziraphale?"

"Six thousand years and I didn't know this about you." It came out harsher than I meant for it to, but thankfully Crowley didn't seem to think it harsh as he simply nodded his head with a small smile.

"I told you, Angel, there's a lot you don't know about me. I don't like talking about it, or well...didn't, because when I was working for Hell, every action had to have a reason, and that pissed me off more than anything, so I just didn't talk about my hobbies. You have your bookshop, your music, your books, your tastes in food, and your ability to actually be incredibly deadly with a sword...I have my wood shop, my plants, my flat, my car, and other things. Why? is something wrong with that?"

I shook my head quickly, not wanting him to think I'm bothered by it. "No, it's just...I thought I knew you, and now...six thousand years later, I'm figuring out that you could do carpentry."

He let out a sigh as he poured himself another glass of wine. "Angel, I'm sure there's things I don't know about you."

Indeed there were, I realized, because he didn't know that I could dance, albeit a no-longer-in-style dance, but one none the less, and he doesn't know I can play the piano, violin, or guitar. He doesn't know that I can paint and draw, and he doesn't know I can cook. If he did, I doubt he would take me out to dinner or lunch anymore, but at the same time, I'm sure he would. "Well, yes, but..."

"Then why do you seem so hurt by it?"

"I..." I don't have an answer. I really shouldn't be upset, but I am. "...honestly, I don't know. I guess...it's just you've told me everything...and..."

"Not everything." He stated. "I've told you a lot more than Hell, but not everything, just like you've told me a lot more than Heaven...but you haven't told them everything. They had to figure it out on their own that we were...erm...partners? Acquaintances?"

A sharp horrible pain pierced my grace as he no longer used the word friend. "Wh-Why are you not..."

"Not what?" He asked as he took a drink of his wine.

"Not saying the word 'friend'."

"Because you deliberately told me to my face that we weren't. At the bandstand, remember?"

Grace? What Grace? I had none, because at that moment it shattered. "I-I'm sorry." I stuttered out with a cracking voice.

"I forgave you already, but if you don't want to be friends, I won't say that we are. You'll always be my best friend even if I'm not yours."

Nope, never mind, NOW it's shattered! "You're my friend, Crowley!" I whined out. "I was just scared, and I-"

Before I could finish I felt his arms wrap around me, and I noticed that his wine class had thudded against the carpet, cracking slightly as the wine poured out. "Thank you! Oh, I don't think I could've gone any longer thinking that you actually meant it when you said you didn't like me and that we weren't friends."

I wrapped my arms around him, resting my chin on his shoulder. "I thought you knew, my dear boy. I went to Hell and back for you just as you went to Heaven and back for me. You're my best friend."

He gave me one last tight squeeze before moving away, wiping away his tears. "Bless! These tears won't stop!" He laughed out, but his laugh hurt me. It was a laugh of relief. I had really hurt him that badly at the bandstand.

"Crowley, how about you tell me other stuff you can do?"

"Oh, perhaps another time, Angle. Right now, let's drink our wine and talk about our week."

"Oh, wait, before we do that, I was wondering...why would you work Saturdays and Sundays?"

"I work Saturdays, because I happen to like them, but I work Sundays so that everyone else can go to church. I take inventory, make sure the tools are clean, the prices are correct, the wood's all sanded and put together, and I basically just do maintenance over the store. If people come in, which is rare on a Sunday, then I help them."

"All of that seems awfully...Good...and...nice of you. Almost...well...Godly...in a way."

"This is the only time I'm letting you get away with that, mainly because of who taught me." He let out an honest, short, and mirthful laugh. "I don't even really call it work, and like I said, I don't go in often, but when I do it's on those days, but I always go on Sunday, so...yeah...I'll let you get away with that, just this once."

"Interesting..." I breathed out, and I felt that I owed him something. "Hmm...I can dance."

He grinned as he gave me a sidelong glance. "I know." He stated matter-of-factly before emptying his wine once again.

"WHAT!? How did you know!"

"I was there on business...Hellish business...some tempting...and I saw you there. I hid myself as a snake under one of the chairs and watched you dance. You were pretty good at it despite it not being in style anymore and despite how ridiculous I personally find it. You did really well."

"O-Oh..." I nodded my head. "...I had no idea you knew."

"Well, now you know. C'mon, I know you told me because you found out about my carpentry...give me another."

"Hmm...I can play the piano."

"Ah! Now that's one I DIDN'T know! So, who taught you? Bach? Beethoven?"

"Myself, actually." I stated proudly, and earned a shocked expression from him.

"Impressive, Angel!" He said in an awed sort of manner. "I don't know many people who can do that."

The praise he was giving me caused me to feel proud and warm, so I gave him an appreciative smile. "Thanks, it took a while, but I enjoyed it. I don't play anymore, but when I did, I got quite good."

"I have no doubt about that." He laughed out. After that, we talked about our week in detail until he grew tired.


	2. Chapter 2

"Really, Crowley, you should sober up." I told him as I helped him off of the couch so that I could lead him to his room.

"I'm not...done talkin' 'bout my week, Zira!" He whined as he was about to pour himself another glass of wine, but I snapped my fingers and miracled it onto the kitchen counter.

"Now, now...none of that, dear boy." I grabbed his wrist gently, urging him to wrap it around my shoulder. When he did I relaxed a bit just before walking him to his room. He stumbled a little, and of course he swayed a little. "Won't you sober up, Crowley?" I asked him as we were getting closer to his door.

"Don't wanna." He groaned. "Just stay up and talk." A loud thunder clap was heard overhead, which was oddly followed by a nod. "I'm going, I'm going...to bed."

Taking as nothing more than a drunk Crowley's ramblings, I took him into his room, miracled his night clothes on him, and carefully laid him on the bed and underneath the covers. "There now. Do you wish for me to stay?" I asked him and received a nod in response. "Very well. I'll stay and watch over you."

"Heh..." He chuckled out before turned onto his side to look at me as I sat in my new chair, which was beautiful. It had vines carved into it along with some apples here and there. "...you being my Guardian Angel. Irony at its finest."

Before I could ask him about it, his eyes slid close and he started softly snoring. He could always fall asleep within a second, which I found intriguing as well as interesting. Just as I looked away from him to see if there was anything I could do, I noticed a black book on his nightstand with a pen next to it. _'He writes now too!?'_ I reached to the book and held in my hands. It was old, and I could feel just how many times it was miracled fixed. Nearly over a hundred and fifty times. It was a thick book as well. More than likely over five hundred pages. _'I really shouldn't look into it. It's personal.' _At that thought, I could feel the immense and overwhelming feelings coming from the book. Sorrow, Fury, hate, humor, kindness, thoughtfulness, fondness, but the one that got me was the feeling of love. I wasn't aware demons COULD love.

Finally, curiosity getting the better of me, I opened the cover to the very first page. There was no name or dedication. It was just a blank page. There weren't even lines. I turned the page again and realized the whole thing didn't have lines, but at least this page had something, and my goodness was his handwriting beautiful and impeccably in line despite there not being any lines. I started to read, unable to simply leave it be. I had to read what Crowley could've been writing about.

_ **Mother** _

_Eyes that speak more than mouths can ever say._  
_Hair that allows the wind to carry it so it can sway._  
_Skin as pale as mine own._  
_Voice as gentle and loving as anything I've ever known._  
_Fingers running through my hair, putting me to sleep._  
_Embrace so warm it makes me wish to weep._  
_Laughter as delicate as the most fragile of glass._  
_Reassurance as cool and as fresh as spring grass._  
_Temper as quick as the light she conjures._  
_Calmness after the temper making me ponder._  
_Ponder on things that she can do._  
_Ponder on the things she's tasked me to._  
_However, I leave it alone._  
_I do not wish for a need to atone._  
_Either way, I know I'll know her whether below or above.  
_ _I'll always know my Mother's love._

I read it at least two more times, baffled even further every time. It sounded like he was describing God. By the time I reread it a definite third time, I realized he was. This journal was old, but not THAT old, which meant that he either STILL knew Her, or he was writing from his beginning as early as he could remember. The equally as shock conclusion I came to was that Crowley could write decent poetry despite him saying he doesn't read, which then means that he just has a natural talent for writing or he really doesn't read. With that in mind, I decided to continue reading.

** _My Stars_ **

_Fragile and might._   
_Dark and light._   
_Weightless and heavy._   
_Rocky and steady._   
_Gentle and fierce._   
_Pure and tainted._   
_Plain and painted._   
_Compliant and stubborn._   
_From love and joy they are born._   
_Mirth and stern._   
_Coldness that can burn._   
_Near and far_   
_These are my stars._

With this poem, I found out that Crowley once aided in creating the stars, but so did a lot of angels. I myself even assisted a little, but it was one more thing I learned about Crowley, which told me that this book would possibly lead me to knowing much MUCH more about Crowley, so I continued.

_ **Him** _

_I saw him building the stars._  
_Careful hands holding burning light, sending it afar._  
_Diligent movements to determine its place._  
_An angel who's more than just light and grace._  
_His eyes shone like the stars he helped build._  
_Out of all the angels among the first stars, he is the most skilled._  
_Pale arms waving and weaving in and out of light._  
_The way the nebula shined on his pure white wings, my what a sight._  
_Everyone laughed as we created the stars, but his was as clear as a bell._  
_I knew as I heard it that I wanted to get to know it well._  
_When we left, I looked for him, but he was nowhere to be found._  
_Then, I heard that beautiful sound._  
_I looked for it's source, to find what my grace, among the stars had found._  
_When I did, my grace did pound._  
_In his eyes, off in the distance, preparing for the wind's dust...  
_ _The angel who's eyes now carried the remaining stardust._

The amount of love coming off of this poem nearly left me breathless, but at the same time, a bit jealous and my grace hurt. I had known for a rather long time that I had loved Crowley. I had known on the wall, but at the same time I didn't. I hadn't truly figured it out until he had saved my books, and then the years just came crashing down on me. I had the shop closed for a whole week out of sheer disbelief, giddiness, and horror. Now, after reading this, it was very clear that he loved someone immensely in Heaven before his fall. Not wanting to think about how much love was in that poem, I read the next one.

_ **Falling** _

_I didn't fall like the others, because I was given a choice._  
_It was either I stay and receive punishment for my open voice..._  
_Or, I go and still be able to do was a meant to do all along._  
_With that choice, I knew I would miss out on God's beautiful song..._  
_but considering I knew what the punishment was and considering what I had to lose..._  
_I had no choice really, but to chose._  
_I chose to fall._  
_I chose to crawl._  
_I chose to leave._  
_I chose to grieve._  
_I chose to miss my stardust angel._  
_I chose the downward angle._  
_I chose my beautiful wings turning to ebony._  
_I chose the burning, searing, melting, scorching agony._  
_I chose to walk down a stair case of flames._  
_I chose to never be the same again._  
_I chose, because there was a chance._  
_One that promised that someday I could make my stance._  
_One that promised that someday I could stand by his side at least one more time._  
_One that promised that someday I might be forgiven by God or him for my crime._  
_That was what was worth it to take the stairs.  
_ _With everything God told me in detail...it was all quite fair._

There was so much sorrow, joy, resignation, and relief in this one poem, I wondered if the others might be that way. I also realized that this was a rather big book, so I should probably just go through what I can now, and hope I can read it again later. With that in mind, I leafed through until I found ones with the strongest emotions.

_ **Jesus** _

_I was sent to tempt Jesus into sin._  
_I didn't want to, because he still felt a bit too much like kin._  
_I knew him, because we had met before._  
_However, we hadn't exchanged names that time at the door._  
_We talked and spoke often and days in between._  
_Soon, with me, he couldn't be seen._  
_He's God's mortal son and he's good._  
_I still didn't want to go, but I went anyway, and on rocky ground, I stood._  
_He faced me with a smile._  
_My eyes widened in a way they hadn't in a while._  
_Not since the stardust angel._  
_As he walked towards me, I felt my voice become strangled._  
_I knew it wasn't him, but it was difficult to breathe none the less._  
_However, his arms looked like a place I could find rest._  
_He greeted me, but he didn't call me by my demonic name._  
_He called me as if we were one and the same._  
_He called me by the first name I've ever known for me._  
_Through watery eyes, it took some time to see..._  
_but when I did, he gave me a gentle embrace._  
_The warmth caused my remaining grace to move at a fast pace._  
_He knew why I was there._  
_He knew that it wasn't something I wanted to give him to bare._  
_I thought of an idea, one that was kind._  
_Oh, how I had hoped he wouldn't mind._  
_When I showed him, he found it marvelous._  
_I told him it was the kingdoms of the world for all of us._  
_I told him I knew he would resist._  
_With that, he told me he knew of all that I had, in my remaining grace, had missed._  
_He reassured me with words I will never repeat._  
_I found it fortunate that we should meet._  
_As I was leaving, he asked me my demonic name._  
_When I answered, he told me he didn't want it to stay the same._  
_I asked him what it should be then, my face taking on a wince.  
_ _He told me, and it's been my name ever since._

That one told me a lot more than I ever expected. It held joy, guilt, and acceptance. It also held the fact that Crowley didn't want to tempt Jesus, because he still felt SOME KIND of connection to Heaven somehow, and that the name 'Crowley' was given to him by Jesus. With that, I continued to read. The next one took up four pages and there was SO MUCH love, desperation, kindness, relief, joy, and...was that Fatherly love!?

_ **Healing** _

_I'm different, because I was given a choice._  
_I'm different, because God could still hear my voice._  
_That was proven today when I saw a child no older than four._  
_She was abused and left for dead on the cold inns floor._  
_I picked her up and took her to my home._  
_No one cared and no one noticed that she was alone._  
_Once there, I treated her wounds as best as I could..._  
_But it started to be proving no good._  
_I looked up to the sky..._  
_Willing my remaining grace to reach that high._  
_I asked God to allow me to use my powers to heal her._  
_I told God I would take responsibility of this child forever._  
_I told her that as long as I can heal the child a little farther..._  
_That I would take up the role as an adoptive Father._  
_I said that I would give her clothing._  
_I said that she would want for nothing._  
_I begged for my ability to heal._  
_I needed it for her to once again feel._  
_To feel the sun on her face._  
_To feel someone's warm embrace._  
_To feel protective eyes._  
_To know truth from lies._  
_To know hate and love._  
_To know the difference between below and above._  
_To know grass in between her toes._  
_To know what the stars above can show._  
_To know that she's not worthless._  
_To know that she's not a mess._  
_To know that she's not simple._  
_To know that she can smile until what is shown is her dimples._  
_I needed to heal her so that she knew she can..._  
_Rather than can't._  
_I was given that and more._  
_My ancient old life's power was restored._  
_However, I still remained a demon as true as can be._  
_But with my returned powers, it was like I was blind and now could see._  
_I healed the girl and took her into my home._  
_There she helped me plant the flowers before and after she would roam._  
_God came to me in a dream._  
_I was so happy I thought I could scream._  
_She said I made the right choice of state._  
_That punishment...death...in her plans then was not my fate._  
_She said she was proud of me and my Senna daughter._  
_She said that I was making an excellent father._  
_She said that I could keep my healing powers..._  
_just as long as it avoided Hell's glowers._  
_With that she left with a smile.  
_ _And I felt more content than I had in a while._

Not wanting to dwindle on the many racing thoughts that went through my mind at the mere fact that Crowley was a father to a little four year old girl AND the fact that God came to HIM in a dream, I moved onto the next powerful poem.

_ **Death** _

_My Senna passed away at fifty-five._  
_She lived a good life._  
_She had one child._  
_He was just as wild._  
_However, he didn't know me._  
_It was both of our choices, so that the demons wouldn't come and see._  
_He's a grand young man._  
_He does nothing without his plans._  
_Reminds me a lot of Mother._  
_Who's love she would often come to me to smother._  
_Well, back in the old days at least._  
_Right now, my Senna is at peace._  
_Life and Death all have its turn._  
_It is a lesson everyone must learn._  
_I am not sad, sorrowful, or even depressed.  
_ _For I knew my Senna's life was one that was joyfully blessed._

For a demon he had an awfully strong connection with God, I realize. Perhaps it was because he was given a choice to fall whereas the other were forced into Hell. He kept going on about his remaining grace, which implied that he still had some and he knew it. That would explain his ability to show compassion, kindness, and even love. Not only that, but he was right. As he wrote this, he felt no negative feelings at all. With a smile, I continued onto the next.

_ **Fate?** _

_I've heard the word._  
_I've heard the phrase._  
_I've heard the chord._  
_I've heard the phase._  
_However, I never knew it was a feeling._  
_I never knew it was tangible._  
_I thought it was only something experienced through seeing or hearing.  
_ _But now I'm forced to say that it seems Ineffable._

Well, that told me nothing, yet it _held_ everything. It held astonishment, love, contentment, and wonder. It was interesting to say the least, but there was still more to read.

_ **Children** _

_Laughter sounding like bells._  
_Smiles showing all is well._  
_Sorrow as plain as the nose on their face._  
_Yet...they continue to try and try at their own pace._  
_Eyes that shine like the moon on the ocean at night._  
_A level of curiosity that would give even demons a fright._  
_Temper as loud as thunder._  
_Hands that reach out in wonder._  
_Hair dirtied by dirt and dust._  
_Oh, but for them to discover the world...they simply MUST!_  
_To go and see._  
_To go and be._  
_To go and try._  
_To go and fly._  
_To go and find._  
_To go and be kind._  
_To go and be unique._  
_To go and no longer be meek.  
_ _Not that I would ever admit this, but it feels me with glee._

As far as I can tell, it does just that. It's not mere joy, it's glee. There's also excitement, eagerness, and pride, but a good kind of pride. I flipped to the next page and noticed that the next poem was a bit different.

_ **Nightmares** _

_The darkness of the pain closes in like moving walls._  
_I can't tell where I am have the time but I always know what it's about._  
_Oh, darkness, how can you often be so sweet yet cruel to me?_  
_Nightmares are my memories in twisted form._  
_They're wrong and they clutch at my heart like my own coils around prey from my days as a snake._  
_Why must my nightmares involve my stardust angel?_  
_Why must you torture me so by altering my memories as if they weren't the most pleasant thing to experience._  
_As real as reality you are, my nightmare, and just as unrelenting._  
_Dark, flashes, fire, blood, and screaming, but not my own._  
_Screaming coming from my opposite hand._  
_Cries of agony as a sword plunges into my stardust angel._  
_I didn't do it! I would never! He still lives! But in the nightmare it is my own hand at the end of the hilt._  
_My own sword._  
_My own arms._  
_My own grace shattering._  
_My own tears silently falling down my face._  
_When I awake, he is still a beautiful angel and I am still a horrendous demon._  
_He'll never see in me what I see in him._  
_That's fine, because as I wake further, the mere thought of him, clears the storm of my nightmare away,_  
_Shining through like the stars we created together._  
_The nightmares are cruel and horrible, but they remind me that they are just that.  
_ _Nightmares._

So much heartache and pain coming from one poem. It hurts my very soul to read it, but I read it two more times. It also left me wondering just who his stardust angel was, and if they knew their worth in Crowley's eyes. I also tried to ignore the searing pain in my grace and soul from the fact that Crowley loves someone so much, but that it wasn't me. Not wanting to read much more, I set the book back down on the nightstand, and instantly froze with a violent electric chill as I saw Crowley looking up at me with wide open eyes. He was wide awake, and silently looking up at me.


	3. Chapter 3

"Cr-Crowley...!" I stuttered out as I took my hand off of the book once it was settled on the nightstand.

He let out a sigh as he briefly closed his eyes before sitting up with a groan. Once he was sat up, he ran a hand over his face, letting out a soft grumble. "Angel..." He finally spoke, and from everything I read, I don't know if I like that name anymore, but I wasn't going to tell him that. "...if you're going to tell me it's not what it looks like, save your breath, because it looks like you found my book and started reading."

"W-Well...I...yes, I did. I'm sorry." Guilt flooded me and this time there was no Ark to rest on as he hadn't looked at me since I set the book down.

"It's fine, I suppose. Can't hide everything from you. So, go ahead and tell me what poems you've read."

"The titles?"

"Yes." He slowly nodded. "That way I can tell what you know about me so far."

"A-Alright." I nodded my head as I remembered the titles. "Mother, My Stars, Him, Falling, Jesus, Healing, Death, Fate?, Children, and Nightmares. Those are what I've read."

"So..." He lets out a shaky breath that seemed to carry just as much weight as his poems, but it also didn't leave anything to be revealed or read. "...you know..."

"Know what exactly?" I wondered. "I...I found that you remember everything from Heaven, that you still love God, that you remember Heaven fondly, that you...fell in love in Heaven, that you still loved that angel after your actual fall, that your fall was a choice given by God, that you helped with the stars, that Jesus gave you the name Crowley, that you healed a child and became her father, that she died, but you knew she was at peace, that you admitted that something was Ineffable, that you love children, and that you had nightmares about killing the angel you love."

"Ah, so all in all...you know next to nothing."

"WHAT!?" I shouted, feeling somewhat insulted. "I'd say I know a great deal!"

"Really?" He snapped as he turned his serpent like gaze towards me. The emotion in his eyes felt like it was coiling around my grace, ready to strike at a moment's notice. His mouth was in a thin line, and his brow was furrowed in frustration. "What's my name then?"

"Cr-Crowley." I answered, but then he shook his head.

"No, my celestial name. The name I had before I fell."

"I...you never revealed that."

"I did, you just skipped a lot." He let out a slight groan as he reached to grab the book on his nightstand. He flipped through it until he stopped. "Here. Since you've read so much already. I might as well tell you my name without telling you."

He handed me the book with a 'go ahead' look, but I didn't want to read it. Something told me a lot would change if I read it. Something told me that I would have to rethink everything if I read it. "This...me knowing your name...would it change things?"

"Only if you let it." He breathed out as I took the book from him. "It's entirely possible though."

"Then why leave a chance like that!?" I questioned with a pleading voice, my grace and soul aching. He was giving me more than I deserved. A name, his name, his CELESTIAL name, and that was not something he should be giving me.

"Because I trust you with it." The answer was so simple, so matter-of-fact, so obvious. It was said as if I should know what every syllable in that sentence meant, but I was left completely dumbfounded, which is why I went ahead and read the poem he opened up to.

_ **My Name** _

_I remember the wind.  
_ _I remember the flow of my robe.  
_ _I remember my feathers brushing against my skin.  
_ _I remember how everything looked before the Earthly globe.  
_ _My eyes are not that same.  
_ _My hair is scarlet colored now.  
_ _Another difference is my name.  
_ _It has changed twice since my ungraceful bow.  
_ _It changed to Crawley from a name that I once knew quite well.  
_ _Then I had it changed to Crowley because of a very good friend.  
_ _My name was Raphael before I fell.  
_ _Now it is Crowley, and will be so until the end._

The thing about angels...and even demons I suppose...was that no one had the same name. So as I read and reread the last two lines several times, I felt my hands begin to shake, because although this didn't hold strong feelings, I could feel nothing but the truth from it. He was really Raphael. THE Raphael. The Archangel. The one that Sandalphon replaced. "Crowley..." I breathed out, honestly not knowing where the strength to even speak had come from at this point.

"Yeah." I looked up at him and he had swallowed before looking at his hands on the bed. "So, Aziraphale, where does that lead us?"

"I..." Despite how I likely should feel, nothing had really changed. So, I shook my head, closed the book, and gave it back to him. "...nothing." I answered, which caused him to jerk his head to gaze at me with widened and astonished eyes. "Don't look at me like that." I chuckled lightly. "It changes nothing. Your name. It's just a name. We've changed our own names a few times." I got up from the chair and did something I had never done before, despite all of my watching over his nightmares. I sat on the bed next to him and scooted over to allow me some room. He also turned his form to where his front was facing me, so I turned in the same manner. "Crowley, it's just a name. For crying out loud, you changed your name to Anthony! Oh, and my human last name is Fell. Ironic, don't you think? For an angel."

"I...I but I..." I tilted my head slightly with a smirk threatening to appear, but now was not the time. I had never seen Crowley so flustered before. Well, that's horribly false. I saw him this flustered when I told him we were no longer friends at the bandstand, that there was no 'our side', that it was over, and the way he didn't have anything to say, to defend himself, to yell at me for, to be angry at me for...that had brought forth another mild realization. Crowley had NEVER been angry with me before. Irritated, yes, but not angry. Frustrated? more than likely, but not angry. Agitated? I can only guess, but never angry, but in that moment he should've been, but he wasn't. He turned the other cheek, said his last word that held no true spite or malice, but rather...pure heartache. "...I was an Archangel, Aziraphale. This whole time, you...you never knew and now you know. I...I also kept most of my powers. The other demons...they didn't. It's how I was able to preform miracles, because let me tell you, if a demon tried to preform one, they would likely explode from the inside and-"

I cut him off in a way that not even I had expected to, but as he was rambling I kept watching them move and move and move. So, to stop them, I pressed my own against them, which instantly sent a feeling like several lightning strikes rushing through my spine before spreading through the rest of my body. His lips were soft, warm, and trembling, but I didn't want to pull away. However, just as I was about to, for the sake of keeping SOME composure, I felt Crowley's shaking hand gently cup the side of my face as he pushed into the kiss with a pleased hum that sounded a lot like a moan. Hesitantly, I pulled away. When I opened my eyes, I had expected perhaps a blush, anger of some sort, frustration, confusion, or even disgust. I mean, I _am_ an angel and he _is_ a demon. Neither of us should be kissing each other, but then again, we DID swap bodies, but either way, that's not what met me. No. When I opened my eyes, I saw tears streaming down his face like waterfalls. "Cr-Crowley! I-I didn't...I mean...I..." I quickly scrambled off the bed and I was all too aware that he didn't try and stop me. Once I was standing and facing him, I started fiddling with my ring as a sort of nervous tick. "I'm sorry. I..."

"No. Don't be sorry." He whispered out in a such a silent voice that only beings like us could hear.

"What do you mean 'don't be sorry'!? You're crying and I...well...just..."

"Aziraphale, why did you..." He cleared his throat as he wiped his tears with his strong but thin hands. "...why did you kiss me?"

"W-Well...you...you were rambling...and I..."

"No." He scoffed out a wet laugh. "That's not an answer, because I've rambled before. Why-?"

"Because..." I quickly started, and I was honestly going to answer him. Tell him the reasoning. Tell him that it was something I've WANTED to do, but then a lightning strike appeared in Crowley's room, making Gabriel appear.

"Well, and here I thought I couldn't be disgusted any further!" He spat as he looked at Crowley in his night clothes, in his bed, and me, standing rather close to it, my clothes still on, but still in a demons bedroom regardless.

"I was under the impression we were to be left alone." I glowered as I crossed my arms.

"Oh, that was BEFORE we figured out your little TRICK! The two of you...you were _Ethereally intimate!_ You would've _had to be_ to pull it off! To swap corporeal forms like you did! We figured it out, because we couldn't believe that AT THE SAME TIME, a DEMON could survive HOLY WATER while an ANGEL survived HELLFIRE! I had to discuss it with Beelzebub, and oh, she's pissed and disgusted as well! Just...UGH!" He shuddered, and I was of a mind it was genuine rather than egotistical. "So! we're going to do this CORRECTLY this time!" He hovered a hand over my chest, then over Crowley's, who flinched slightly, but Gabriel quickly pulled away with a satisfied smirk. "Good. You're yourselves." He snapped his fingers, bringing both Crowley and myself to Heaven. We were bound by specially made ropes as we sat in rather uncomfortable chairs.

"Are they in their own bodies?" Came Beelzebub's voice behind us before she walked over to Gabriel's side.

"They are. I just checked."

"Check again, just in case." She spat, but not at him. It was directed towards us.

"Hey, Angel..." Crowley spoke softly as Gabriel hovered his hand over my chest.

"What, Crowley?" I questioned as if we were just having a normal conversation.

"Stardust angel."

I quirked a brow in confusion, and I noticed that Gabriel and Beelzebub did the same thing, but they didn't do it for the same reasons. "What about him?" I asked carefully. "And is NOW really the time to bring him up?"

"Yes!" He laughed out. "Now is especially the time! He's you!"

_'Oh...Oh God...'_ My heart swelled exponentially, but I quickly suppressed it before Gabriel could feel it. _'I-I'm the one that he felt that much love for...'_ With that in mind, my heart took on a steely resolve. I would figure out a way to get us out of this. _'God, just this once, let ME save HIM! The swap doesn't count, we saved each other, so just this once! Let ME save HIM!' _I frantically started going through anything and everything that might help as I horrifically watched Michael appear with a miracled tub, and my eyes widened as she started to fill it at the same time that two demons appeared with Hellfire, making it roar to life in a flaming cyclone. _'Think, you stupid Principality!'_ At that thought, my eyes widened and I shook my head as I started to laugh.

"Uh...Angel, you okay?" I heard Crowley question with concern dripping in his voice.

"He's gone hysterical." Michael muttered, but I just grinned at her.

I used my powers to unbind myself without so much as even flinching, and when they tried to bind me again, I allowed my wrath to come out, causing the demons to back away quite a bit, but the Archangels looked at me in pure confusion. "Archangel Gabriel..." I started as I decided _now_ would be a good time to be as smug as Crowley, because frankly, I was feeling _immensely_ smug. "...tell me...what do you think I am?"

"A fallen angel." He stated bluntly.

"No no...I still have pure white wings. Tell me, what do you think I am?" I repeated as I slid my hands into my pockets, my wrath staying as an invisible extra layer of air that simply waited for a command.

"In rank you're just a normal Angel." Michael groaned out. "Now, can we get on with the-" I snapped my fingers and now Michael was the one in a chair and bound, but I added a layer of my wrath to the bindings.

I turned around and saw how wide Crowley's eyes got, but then I noticed how proud his smile became as realization danced in his eyes. "OF COURSE!" He shouted. "I should've known!" He laughed out, and it wasn't desperate, hopeful, or even all that mirthful. It was filled with love and excitement.

"H-How did you-" She tried to jerk in the bindings, but my wrath quickly burned her hands. "What have you DONE!?"

"I'm not a normal angel." I smirked before turning to face Gabriel. "You're going to put away the Holy Water, and the demons...except for Crowley...are going to go back to Hell."

"YOU'RE IN NO POSITION TO MAKE DEMANDS, SUNSHINE!"

I sauntered up to him, my hands still in my pockets, my smirk never leaving my face as I stood directly in front of him, looking up ever so slightly. "Actually, YOU'RE in no position. I am a Principality. I'm above you in rank and power."

"No...you can't be." I took probably more joy in his reaction than I should've, but honestly, I couldn't be bothered to care at the moment.

"Oh, but I am." I chuckled warmly. "Oh, and that demon you have strapped in a chair?" I snapped my fingers, releasing Crowley from his bindings, my gaze never leaving Gabriel's dumbfounded glare. "He's mine." At my words, there was a light that came from behind me, causing me to turn around, and to ALL OF OUR surprise, it was coming from Crowley. Once the light dimmed, I noticed he was wearing exactly what he was wearing when we met. His hair was even back to what it used to be, but his eyes were different. They were a beautiful forest green. His eyes looked at his arms and hands with pure shock and awe before a relieved and nearly hysterical laugh erupted from his throat. I glanced over at Michael and noticed her jaw dropped. "You know, Crowley, I've always liked your hair long."

He looked up at me with a proud smirk as he sauntered over towards me, wrapping an arm around me. "Then long it'll stay." He grinned at me before turning to face Gabriel who was staring at Crowley in horror. "Something the matter, little brother?"

"Little brother?" I questioned with a curious tone as if nothing had happened.

"Oh, yes. You likely didn't know this but I'm older than him."

"Hmm..." I nodded my head. "...I didn't know that. So, do I call you by your old name or..."

"Nah, Crowley suits me just fine."

"Oh, good then." I heard stammering coming from Gabriel, which caused me to look in his direction. "Oh, yes, sorry! Right, you were standing here, trying to punish someone above your station, and I told you that the demon Crowley was mine." I gave a slight shrug as my smirk grew. "Well, I guess I'll have to take the Archangel Raphael instead. Seeing as they're the same person."

Out of the corner of my eye, I briefly saw a Hellfire-ball hurtling towards me from Beelzebub's hand, but Crowley swiftly moved in front of it and caught it within his hands, further terrifying everyone in the room, but only serving to confuse and astound me. "HOW!?" Beelzebub shouted.

"Bitch, please!" He laughed out. "I'm the Archangel Raphael. I led an entire Garrison of angels alongside God, and we created the universe together. My angels and I created the stars, hung them, designed them, colored them, breathed life into them, painted them into being, and simply created alongside God Herself. I've held SUNS in my hands before even the concept of Hellfire was thought of, Beelzebrat. A little Hellfire? That's barely a flame on a match. Back then, Aziraphale was just a normal angel, but after his expert work with the stars, he was given the title, rank, and power of a Principality. After we had been equals for so long, I suppose I forgot about the principality bit."

"B-But...Hellfire...angels..." She stammered, and it took all I had to NOT laugh, because this was what was considered a prince of Hell.

"Oh, it would certainly hurt the other four Archangels, but like I said...I've held SUNS in my hands. I've held light, color, and life in my hands. This little Hellfire tornado you got going on here..." He shrugged as he bounced the Hellfire-ball in his hand like he didn't have a care in the world. "...neat little trick, but uh..." He threw the ball back into the tornado before willingly stepping inside it to my immense horror and heartache, but it didn't so much as singe his clothes. He then jumped up and down, twirling in the air at least three times before walking back out. "...not as intense as holding the sun." He sighed out before coming back to my side as we both observed the stunned and horrified looks of everyone. "Oh, and if you think this is just a nice little make-up job..." He then walked over to the Holy bath Water, cupped his hands in it, then splashed his face with it, letting out a slight chuckled before running his hands through his hair. "...Ah, nice and warm." He once again came back to my side, grinning like a fool, but I was still rather confused.

"Crowley?"

He glanced at me with a brief smirk and a wink before looking at Gabriel who had been speechless for quite some time. "God, I know you're there!" He grinned, and I nearly slapped him upside the head, because it was almost as if he was challenging Her, but before I could even raise my hand to do so, a flash of light appeared for a millisecond, revealing God, who now wore a highly amused expression. "Good to see you again."

_ **"You always were one of my most troublesome children."** _

"Pfft! Not as bad as Lucifer!" He chuckled out as God walked towards us and past Gabriel, waving her hand, making the demons, the Hellfire, and the bath disappear with one single motion.

_**"No, not THAT bad."**_ She nodded her head.

"I gotta ask though..." Crowley started, causing me to send him a warning glare that he pointedly ignored. "...why raise me?"

_**"Because of Love, Raphael."**_ My eyes widened as I held a hand to my mouth. When I said he was mine, I did so with so much love it was nearly difficult to suppress it at all, because I finally found a way I could save him. _**"You've Loved Aziraphale since the two of you had assisted me in creating the universe. He had slowly but massively grown to Love you in the same way, but would never say so. Here in Heaven, you both confessed your feelings. You admitted to him being your Stardust Angel, and he, a Principality, claimed you as his with pure Love in his heart. So, in Heaven, in the most Holy of places, I recognize your Love and allow it. Love is powerful and is not meant for a Demon. It never was, but you knew that when I gave you your choice."**_

"Okay, but...how can he hold Hellfire AND splash Holy Water on his face?" I asked carefully, and somehow earned a pleasant smile from God.

_**"That's because he's the most powerful Archangel. He did, in fact, hold suns in his hands like he said, and the thing about Hellfire...it's partially solar flair, partially Earth's core, and partially holds the power of a supernova. All of which Raphael has held in his hand. He assisted in making the Earth's core. As for the Holy Water, well, he's an angel now, so that's nothing more than warm water to him. Now, Aziraphale, you've done it. I've heard you. I allowed you to save him just this once."**_ She smirked at me with kind eyes. _**"You can retract your wrath now."**_

"Oh!" I shouted in surprise as I realized I hadn't drawn it back. Once it was comfortably calm and swirling in my form once again, I noticed that God had released Michael, because she was now standing next to Gabriel with widened and horrified eyes.

_**"Now...before the two of you get anymore ideas about harming these two, I have been trying for the past six thousand years to get Raphael, the adorable blushing fool, to confess his feelings for centuries...Millennia even! I've messed with his radio, playing all types of songs by Queen, and I will not have you messing up my hard work! They are Ineffable. Even when they didn't realize I had any interference at all, they were practically married with all of their bickering, gazes, thoughts, sighs, hopes, and Good ME the pining!"**_ She pinched the bridge of her nose. _**"So! If you attack them again, go after them again, or even THINK about it, I will take that personally as an attack against me since they are a part of my Ineffable plan. Leave. Them. Alone! Oh, and do keep in mind that Raphael is the only Archangel immune to Hellfire."**_ With a snap of her fingers we were back in Crowley's room.

I looked over to Crowley...erm...Raphael...who then turned back into Crowley, eyes and all, but still wearing his robe and long hair, and I was reminded of the wall back in Eden. "So..." I started.

"So..." He grinned with a risen brow as he sauntered over to me, placing his hands on my hips, causing my breath to hitch in my throat. "...I do believe you've staked a claim on me, Aziraphale. Not just that, but you did so, LITERALLY in front of God and everybody."

Deciding I was still feeling rather smug about everything that just happened, I calmed my breathing as I smirked at him. I then wrapped my arms loosely around his neck as I looked him in the eyes. "I also heard God saying that we were practically _married._"

"So She did." He nodded as he returned the smirk, but this time a soft blush accompanied it. _'The adorable blushing fool...yes, that seems about right.' _He gave me a soft kiss on the lips that was really just a quick peck if anything. "So, can I take you to breakfast, husband of mine?"

I pursed my lips the same way that I did when he asked me what we were having for lunch after he rescued me in the Bastille, and I shook my head. "No." I told him, which caused his eyes to widen in shock.

"Really? Why?"

"Because...I currently have my arms wrapped around my breakfast."

"Ngk!" Was all he was able to get out before I kissed him like there was a new Armageddon. _'I'm so glad I love books!'_ I thought to myself as I toppled him onto the bed, realizing that if I wasn't curious, and if I didn't love to read so much, I wouldn't have figured out any of this. I couldn't wait to read what else that book had in store either, but at the moment, I was going to learn even more about Crowley.


End file.
